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Teen Parenting Tip

Give your Teen Choices rather than Ultimatums

The teen years are known as the toughest years of parenting and with good reason. You have a child who is going through hormonal changes as well as growing and craving independence. Although these years can be tough, with a little help and thought you can get through them.

By the time your child is a teen you hopefully have given them opportunities to make some decisions. You likely allowed your young child to decide which shirt to wear. You may have allowed your 6th grader to decide which instrument or sport to play.

Teenagers don't always have such simplistic choices to make. By that age some choices come with serious ramifications. One of the most difficult tasks in parenting is letting your children grow up. Watching them make painful mistakes is not easy.

If she leaves the nest never having experienced pain or consequences how well equipped will she be to live on her own and function as a healthy adult? Give your teen choices rather than ultimatums. If he makes the wrong choice, hopefully he will learn from it and not repeat it.

Curfew is a great example. "You need to be home by 10:00 p.m. or [you're grounded for a week … you will not be able to drive for two weeks … you're not going camping this weekend.]" Let your teen know up front what the consequences will be for breaking curfew. If 10:00 p.m. comes and goes and your teen is not home, you know what you need to do. You must follow-through on what you said you would do.

Of course it will break your heart for him to miss the camping trip. You know how much he's been looking forward to it. Yet you gave your teen a choice. He chose to accept the consequences of being late.

And always try to keep the lines of communication open. Be firm but kind, tough but fair and once your teen has been given a consequence for their actions don’t keep pointing out what they’ve done wrong. You’ve already dealt with the issue and it’s important to realize that teens will go through these difficult stages and not always make the best choices.