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How do I Talk to My Teen about Sex?

It's hard to find a middle ground when it comes to talking to teens about sex. Some parents have a hard time uttering the word s-e-x. While other parents are more like the teen's buddy and want to swap stories. How the parent views sex will reflect how much and when the topic is discussed at home.

The most important issue to remember is that while it may be an uncomfortable topic to discuss, you still have an obligation to have the needed discussions - discussions plural – as in on-going. Admit that you're uncomfortable and keep talking.

Now that your teen is almost an adult, you need to have more in-depth conversations. What sufficed when your young child asked where babies come from won't work now. Give information, acknowledge feelings, talk about consequences but be careful not to give too much graphic information. It's not your job to teach her/him the fine art of Karma Sutra.

Teens need to know about pregnancy, STDs, reputations and love vs. lust. You may also need to correct any false beliefs (e.g. some people aren't aware you can get STDs from oral sex, you can still get pregnant without hitting a home run).

You're only kidding yourself if you think they don't know about certain things. Your job with your teen is to provide accurate information along with 'the rest of the story.' You can't un-ring the bell. They need to know that sex changes everything.

Don't be overly concerned with the mechanics of it but rather with the emotional side. They don't know what they don't know. Teens may think they're in love or may think that they'll be better liked if they do or an outcast if they don't. You need to address the ramifications and how forever doesn't always mean forever (unless you're talking about herpes!)

Your teen already knows more than either one of you is willing to admit. Consider where teens are getting their information – many times from each other. Starting immediately look for opportunities to talk with – not to – your teen about this very important subject.