Over the years as I pursued my life purpose I tended to poo poo on that worn out cliche: “life balance”. I thought to myself, “how does a high achiever get their life in balance?” Think about how many accomplished people in this world actually live their lives in balance.

To cut to the chase, I have lived passionate about fulfilling my life purpose in the role of international volunteer/missionary whilst delivering youth leadership and training programs. Everything was going great and I felt great. My peers were all really on side.

But during this time, I spent the vast majority of each year living away from my wife and four teenage children. At first my wife was united completely with me but the truth be told, she and the children were beginning to crack up.

With increasing regularity my wife would report about one child who would start crying every day like an “alarm clock” going off. Another child sought to isolate himself from the rest of the family by crawling into the family dog kennel where he would crying “for daddy” for hours on end. Another teenage child, filled with emotional hurt, would throw temper tantrums without warning.

In frustration, our children were becoming increasingly disrespectful toward their mother. When I did come home, even though compliant, our children were not like they used to be. Knowing that I would be going away soon, they protected their hearts by keeping an emotional distance from me.

After I first tripped out to the Islands I struggled when the children began losing interest in talking to me over the phone. I began to feel like I was talking to myself. I was repeating the same words that were becoming boring to hear. In the early days, the children were excited to ask me “when are you coming home daddy?”. But as time went on, they stopped asking. I felt like I did not belong in my own home.

Finally the penny dropped when for the first time in 25 years of being married, my wife, refused to pick up the phone. My mouth dropped and my heart sank as I slumped into the chair I was sitting on. I felt like I was being pushed into a corner. The rest is history as I did some serious soul searching. I knew my life would never be the same again although I was not abandoning my life purpose.

Through it all, I learned some key lessons. I realized that it’s good to know where your passion lies and to be actively fulfilling your life purpose. However never take your mind off the larger picture and what kind of consequences you are having to face. Ask yourself: is the pursuit of my life purpose really worth it? Even better, research how you can be going after your life purpose whilst avoiding or minimizing the negative consequences.

I chose the second option. By not letting go of my life purpose I changed the game plan learning new skills with a different focus. Rather than making decisions unilaterally, which is what I used to do, I now consult with the family board of directors.

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